If you’ve ever lost someone, you’re familiar with grief. Yet, myths about grief can interfere with the grieving process. So, it’s essential to understand what grief is and what it isn’t.
Introduction to the Grieving Process
Psychologists talk about grief as a process. In simple terms, grieving occurs in stages and takes time. However, while there are recognizable stages of grief, not everyone experiences all of them. Furthermore, even if they progress through each grief stage, their grief may not be in order. Not only that, but some stages take longer than others.
What are the Stages of Grief?
Understanding the various grief stages is vital, as someone experiencing grief may be anywhere in the grieving process. Whether you are the one grieving or it’s someone you know, being able to identify what you’re feeling and know it’s normal is crucial to well-being. Note that the fact there are different grief stages likely contributes to the many myths about grief.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first developed the five stages of grief theory where the stages are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
In 2011, Jennie Wright, a licensed critical care RN, created her interpretation, listing the seven stages of grief:
- Shock, denial
- Pain, guilt
- Anger, bargaining
- Depression, reflection, and loneliness
- Turning upward
- Reconstructing and seeking solutions
- Acceptance, hope
Debunking Myths About How Grief Should Look
Anyone who’s experienced a loss has likely thought about, been subjected to, or believed in myths about grief. Besides, people have grieved for thousands of years, making grief one of the most profound and deeply affecting human experiences. However, no matter who you are or whether this is your first grief experience, it’s essential to understand the myths of grief so you don’t suffer their harmful effects.
Grief Myth #1: Time Heals All Pain from Grief
Time is a significant factor in healing, but it isn’t true that all grief pain will cease over time. Relying on time to eliminate grief won’t suffice. To progress in healing, it’s vital to be proactive.
- Start by acknowledging and accepting the loss.
- Many grief counselors recommend that you honor your grief.
- If rituals help, they may ease some of your sorrow.
- Another way to soothe your pain is to accept support from others.
- Furthermore, professional counseling is a tremendous assist in healing the pain from grief.
Grief Myth #2: Men Grieve Less Than Women
While women may tend to show their grief more openly than men, this doesn’t mean that men grieve less. This is one of the myths of grief. Men grieve, yet they don’t always display their pain.
However, making assumptions that women only grieve one way while men grieve another is false. A man may overtly display grief, while a woman may withdraw, stay busy, or use other ways to work through grief.
Furthermore, research found that women may grieve in a more complicated manner than men and more frequently, while men avoided talking about grief because it wouldn’t alter the situation.
Grief Myth #3: Grief Follows a Strictly Linear Path
One of the common misconceptions of grief is that it follows a linear path with no deviations. There are grief stages, yet not everyone goes through them in a straight-line progression. Furthermore, some may not experience one or more of the stages. This doesn’t invalidate their grief or necessarily speed their healing. It’s simply that they process their grief differently.
Grief Myth #4: There’s No Difference Between Mourning and Grief
Many myths about grief suggest that mourning and grief are interchangeable or identical. They are different, although they may both follow after a significant loss.
- When people mourn, they may display their grief publicly. Grief, on the other hand, encompasses the emotions and feelings stemming from loss.
- Another significant difference between mourning and grief is that mourning can last days, weeks, or months. However, some grieve for years, and others’ grief lasts a lifetime.
Grief Myth #5: Faith Is Stronger Than Your Grief
Faith can be enormously influential in healing from grief, but it is not stronger than your grieving. Yes, faith offers solace for many, especially those with deep-rooted training and belief in religion. However, faith does not eliminate the physical pain felt by grief.
Grief Myth #6: After One Year, Move On
Grief myths encourage those who grieve to move on after a year. But who’s to say your grief is over at that time? Myths like this only reinforce the misconception that you can get over grief. That’s untrue, and it can be devastating if it’s beyond a year and you’re still suffering.
Grief Myth #7: You’ll Grieve More the First Year
The fallacy in myths of grief that contend people suffer more grief in the first year following a loss is that the second year may be more challenging. Many people are caught up in trying to restore their lives, so a year isn’t enough for them to process their grief. Besides, when someone grieves, they have no idea what the future holds.
Grief Myth #8: Grief Always Has an Endpoint
The idea that there will always be a point where grief ends doesn’t hold merit. While it’s true that you may feel less pain over time and begin to feel better or more like yourself, that doesn’t mean grief completely ends.
- Grief will remain as long as necessary.
- It may fade and seem like it’s gone, yet reminders like anniversaries can cause it to resurface.
Grief Myth #9: Everyone Can Get Over Grief
If someone tells you that you can “get over grief” so you can move on, don’t believe it. When you’ve experienced suffering and tragedy, you don’t and can’t get over it. You’ll learn coping methods as you work through it but don’t expect to get over grief.
Grief Myth #10: Only Adults Grieve
One of the saddest myths about grief is that children cannot experience it. Some say youngsters don’t understand death, and while that may be true, they still know how sad they feel when someone they love is no longer around.
Understanding the Individuality of Grief Experiences
Every person experiences grief uniquely. There is no universal grief experience. However, many feel they must conform to the expectations of others in getting past grief. Unfortunately, here is where the common misconceptions of grief can create a cascade of emotional turmoil and potential mental health crises for someone trying so desperately to feel “normal” again.
Each Person’s Healing Process is Different
How your neighbor, friend, or family member experiences grief and begins to heal differs from what you may go through when grieving. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. However, it can be extremely helpful to seek professional counseling to manage the more complex and emotionally debilitating aspects of significant grief. Furthermore, don’t fall into the trap of believing myths of grief, as that can be counter-productive.
Healthy Ways to Support Oneself and Others Through Grief
There are constructive, practical ways to feel and share support if you are experiencing grief or know others going through the grieving process.
How to Support Yourself When Grieving
There’s no question that when you’ve lost a loved one or experienced another form of grief, it can feel overwhelming, confusing, terrifying, and endless. Even if you’ve read about grief and think you’ve got a good understanding of it, you may find it challenging to cope. Myths about grief are not helpful and should be discarded.
Ways to Support Yourself:
- Seek grief counseling, in-person or through virtual therapy.
- Take good care of yourself.
- Express yourself through journaling or other means.
- Permit yourself to feel what you are experiencing.
- Learn as much as you can about grief and coping techniques.
- Talk about your feelings with those you trust.
- Do things that make you feel better and bring you some joy.
- Find ways to laugh since laughter reduces stress and temporarily relieves pain.
- Social support can be beneficial in coping with your loss.
How to Support Others Through the Grieving Process
Others experiencing grief, including children, family, and friends, need your support. You can help by:
- Be open to how they grieve and remain flexible, even if they’re following myths about grief.
- Try to be present and display a hopeful, positive outlook for tomorrow.
- Understand that you cannot make someone else feel better and can’t fix or change the situation.
- Listen as they want to talk about their loss.
- Help out by making or bringing meals or tending to chores.
However, if grief is complicated or prolonged, professional help may be necessary. Our mental health experts at Restore-Mental Health are ready to assist you. Contact us anytime.
