If you’re the parent of a young child — or know a parent of a young child — you’ve probably heard of gentle parenting. First, there was Montessori learning, then baby-led weaning and now gentle parenting. It’s the latest trend you can’t escape as a parent. In fact, one study found that 75% of millennial parents use gentle parenting.
But just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for you and your family. Gentle parenting has many benefits. Still, you need to know everything about the practice, including the potential risks, before you adopt this parenting approach for the next 18 years or so.
What Is Gentle Parenting?
Gentle parenting is a practice that focuses on empathy, connection and understanding with your child. The parent respects their child’s feelings but holds firm on parenting boundaries. As a parent, you aim to build a “partnership” with your child by responding to them in a compassionate, understanding way.
Some examples of gentle parenting are:
- You don’t tell a crying child to simply “stop crying.” Instead, you say, “I see you’re crying and upset” and offer a solution, distraction or word of comfort.
- You avoid saying, “Because I said so.” Instead, when your child wants to do something you can’t allow, you explain your reasoning. Such as, “You can’t run in the parking lot because a car might not see you, and you could get hurt.”
- Instead of saying, “Don’t do that,” you try redirecting your child with encouraging language. Such as, “Can you try to put your toys away nicely, not throw them in the basket? When you throw toys, I get worried something might break.”
The Benefits of Gentle Parenting for Emotional Development
Gentle parenting is highly focused on the child’s emotions. It’s all about responding to your child’s feelings, validating them and helping them learn how to process them.
When done correctly, gentle parenting can help raise a child with strong emotional development. Specifically, some of the benefits are:
- Increased emotional intelligence. Gentle parenting helps children learn about emotions early on. This helps them recognize emotions in themselves and others and respond appropriately.
- Enhanced emotional regulation. Children raised via gentle parenting feel safe and supported, so they learn to regulate their emotions. This means gentle parenting can reduce the frequency and intensity of tantrums and meltdowns.
- Strong confidence. Gentle parents respond, listen and validate their children. This helps build self-esteem and confidence from an early age.
- Excellent communication skills. A parent who uses gentle parenting has learned techniques for communicating with their child in the best way possible. Children learn from their parents, so they, too, develop these communication skills.
- Healthy parent-child relationship. A core value of gentle parenting is that you’re looking to build a partnership with your child. As a parent, you’re still the caregiver but less of a dictator. You aim to see things from your child’s perspective so you can better meet their needs. This heightened level of understanding will naturally lead to a healthy parent-child relationship.
- Decreased risk of anxiety and stress. Gentle parenting is about providing a safe, compassionate environment for the child. When children feel secure and happy, their anxiety and stress decrease.
Potential Risks or Misunderstandings in Gentle Parenting
No single parenting style is perfect. That’s mainly because each child is different and will face unique challenges. Still, as understanding and popular as gentle parenting may be, there can be some downsides.
Here are the possible cons of gentle parenting:
- Lack of boundaries. A child often gets upset when you try to set boundaries, such as “No more television” or “You need to eat your vegetables.” Because gentle parenting is all about understanding your child’s emotions, it can make some parents give in on boundaries to help their kid cope with strong feelings. However, gentle parenting experts will tell you this parenting style doesn’t forgo boundaries. You can walk your child through their big feelings and still enforce the boundary you set.
- Overindulgence. While it’s beneficial to have gentle parents at home, the world isn’t necessarily a gentle place. Some argue that kids raised on the gentle parenting model won’t be resilient in the real world. They may struggle when others are inconsiderate of their feelings and unwilling to listen to their perspective. Notably, these challenges can arise at school and work.
- Increased parent stress. Gentle parenting takes a lot of work. Parents must learn about the techniques, regulate their emotions and be mindful of how they talk to their children. This can build added pressure in the day-to-day as parents question everything they say to their children.
Tips for Practicing Gentle Parenting Effectively
Remember, you can’t just learn two phrases and call yourself a gentle parent. Your child will only see the benefits of gentle parenting if you know how to do the practice effectively.
Here are some quick tips for gentle parenting your children:
- Remember the core values. No matter how long you’ve been gentle parenting, it’s a good habit to refresh yourself on the core values. Gentle parenting is all about empathy, clear communication, respect, active listening and positive reinforcement.
- Provide reasons. It’s not helpful to children to set rules or make requests without explaining yourself. No matter how young your child is, it helps to give a reason. “No running” can feel unfair. “No running because fast cars are driving around, and you could get hurt” feels more acceptable to a child.
- Be flexible. While boundaries are important, remember to be flexible at times. You shouldn’t expect more than what’s age-appropriate for your kid. Help your child learn from their mistakes rather than simply enforcing a boundary.
- Connect with your children. You want your child to feel safe and comfortable with you. Aim to spend quality time with them as much as possible and actively listen to what they say. If they share thoughts and feelings, respond without judgment or critique.
- Model the correct behavior. You can’t yell at your partner and gentle parent your child. It simply won’t work. Children copy the behavior they see in their home. So, if you yell at others, your child will also learn to yell. You’ll have to be “gentle” in all aspects of life if you want to properly gentle parent.
The great thing about gentle parenting your children is that you pick up good habits along the way, too. If you adopt this parenting style correctly, you might become more empathetic and a better communicator with those around you.
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