Growing up in a safe and stable home is important for a child’s development. Roughly 5.7 million adults in America are currently experiencing bipolar disorder — many of whom are parents. If a parent is struggling with an untreated mental illness such as bipolar disorder, a child may experience sadness or anger because they don’t understand what’s happening. The effects of growing up with a bipolar parent can be long-lasting and may result in mental health issues.
If your upbringing was unstable, you may have concerns about becoming a parent out of fear you also have bipolar disorder. Many children of bipolar parents feel this way. Understanding the condition and how your unresolved childhood trauma may be affecting you can help you build a healthier life.
What Is Bipolar Disorder?
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in energy, mood, concentration and activity levels, making it difficult to carry out daily tasks. The condition is characterized by phases of highs and lows — bouts of mania and depression — and is usually diagnosed in late adolescence or early adulthood, often requiring lifelong treatment.
There are three types of bipolar disorder:
- Bipolar I Disorder: Manic episodes that last at least seven days and depressive episodes that last at least two weeks. Hospital care may be needed to cope with symptoms.
- Bipolar II Disorder: A less severe pattern of depressive and hypomanic episodes.
- Cyclothymic Disorder: Recurrent depressive and hypomanic symptoms that aren’t intense enough to qualify as full episodes.
The high phase is recognized by elevated energy and unusual behaviors — dressing differently, spending excessively, talking faster than normal, and exhibiting extreme happiness. The low phase brings symptoms of deep depression: withdrawal from friends and family, persistent fatigue, lack of appetite, irritability, and insomnia. Individuals can also experience a mix of manic and depressive symptoms simultaneously, such as feeling hopeless while still feeling energized.
Despite being a long-term condition, bipolar disorder is very much treatable. A combination of therapy and medication can help individuals manage their symptoms and improve their quality of life.
How Bipolar Disorder Can Affect the Parental Role
Bipolar disorder is known to cause intense mood swings that impact how an individual thinks and acts. During manic highs, a parent may have a great deal of energy but make rash, impulsive decisions. These highs are typically followed by extreme lows where depressive symptoms take over, causing the parent to lose interest in everything and struggle to accomplish even simple daily tasks.
Without treatment, these unpredictable mood swings can become more frequent and severe, significantly impacting a family’s day-to-day life. One account describes growing up with a bipolar mother who, during manic periods, would crank up music and start dancing and singing — sometimes while naked. During depressive episodes, she could become emotionally and physically abusive, creating a deeply unstable parent-child relationship. The child spent her school days worrying about her mother being home alone.
When untreated, these fluctuating moods create an unstable household, leaving children feeling constantly anxious and on edge.
Long-Term Effects of Growing Up With a Bipolar Parent
Growing up with a bipolar parent can lead to traumatic childhood experiences whose effects follow children well into adulthood. Research shows that children of bipolar parents are at increased risk of developing mood disorders, anxiety, and sleep disorders. A 2011 study found that 71.4% of offspring of parents with bipolar disorder had at least one psychiatric disorder diagnosed in their lifetime. Familial studies also show that children of bipolar parents have at least a 10% chance of developing the disorder themselves.
Beyond clinical diagnoses, the long-term effects on development can include:
- Motor quality
- Cognition, such as memory and attention
- Intellectual functioning
- Psychosocial development, including work, interpersonal relations, and global functioning
- Risky sexual behavior and increased substance abuse
- Aggressive behavior or suicidal ideation
The environmental factors of living with a bipolar parent also shape children’s psychology in specific patterns:
Self-Blame
Children may blame themselves for a parent’s mood swings, thinking their actions caused an episode. They may continue blaming themselves even after leaving the household, carrying excessive guilt into adulthood where they blame themselves for others’ behaviors.
Control Issues
Because life with a bipolar parent is often uncertain and chaotic, children seek stability through control — believing that if they “do everything right,” they can prevent the next episode. This thought pattern can manifest in adulthood as obsessive-compulsive disorder or controlling tendencies in relationships.
Trust Issues
The instability of a chaotic home can make it challenging for children to trust others — especially adults. These feelings of distrust can follow them into adulthood, affecting their ability to commit to jobs, friendships, and romantic relationships.
Depression and Anxiety
Coping with a parent’s unpredictability can cause persistent anxiety and sadness in children. Studies show that maternal neglect — common in mothers with bipolar disorder — can lead to an increased risk for anxiety and depression in children who already present high-risk factors for mood disorders.
Coping as an Adult Child of a Bipolar Parent
If you’re an adult who grew up with a bipolar parent and are facing these challenges, here are some strategies that can help:
- Try to remove emotion from the equation. When your parent is experiencing a manic or depressive episode, they may be unable to offer the approval or support you need. This isn’t their fault — it’s their condition. Remind yourself that your self-worth is not tied to their validation, and try to step back emotionally during episodes to protect your own mental health.
- Focus on facts and treatment. Rather than reacting emotionally, focus on the reality of their diagnosis — plans for treatment, how they’re managing their condition, and what steps might help. This can be a more productive foundation for navigating the relationship.
- Don’t force communication. If your parent reacts negatively when you try to check in on their treatment or well-being, don’t force the interaction. Deescalate and try again when they’re in a different state of mind — and don’t pressure yourself to continue conversations that cause you significant stress.
- Build your own support community. Cultivate relationships and activities outside the home — a sports team, book club, theater group, or any community that aligns with your interests. Having a support network that isn’t tied to your family is essential.
- Practice self-care. Be gentle with yourself. Spend time on hobbies, see friends, and talk to yourself with the same compassion you’d extend to someone you love.
Resolving Childhood Trauma
Trauma can stay in the body even after leaving an unhealthy environment. Moving forward is possible, though the path will look different for everyone. Some steps to consider:
- Seek therapy or counseling. Research suggests that children of bipolar parents are at higher risk of developing PTSD. A therapist can help you understand and cope with trauma symptoms and work through the long-term effects of your upbringing.
- Evaluate your current relationship with your parent. If they continue to cause you harm or stress, taking a step back from the relationship may be necessary — even if it brings feelings of guilt. Prioritizing your own mental health is not selfish.
- Join a support group. Connecting with others who’ve had similar experiences can introduce you to coping strategies and a sense of community that friends or partners who haven’t lived it may not be able to offer.
How Parents With Bipolar Disorder Can Mitigate Damage
Having bipolar disorder doesn’t make someone a bad parent. Many people seek treatment and go on to provide stable, loving homes. If you’re a parent with bipolar disorder, here are the most impactful steps you can take:
Get help for yourself. This is the most essential step. Bipolar disorder is treatable through a combination of therapy and medication, but when left untreated, symptoms worsen and episodes become more frequent and prolonged. Professional help gives you the tools to achieve greater stability in your own life — and in turn, to provide a more stable home for your children.
Get help for your children. Ensure your children have their own support system, including a therapist who can help them process any trauma they’ve experienced. Given that children of bipolar parents have at least a 10% chance of developing the disorder themselves, having them evaluated by a mental health professional is also a proactive step worth taking.
Open a dialogue. Talk to your children honestly about your condition, even if they’re young. They need to know that your changing behavior has nothing to do with them, and what they should do if they notice you acting differently. Creating an environment of empathy and understanding is far healthier than trying to conceal what’s happening.
Provide stability and predictability. Children thrive on routine. With the help of a spouse or co-parent, establish a consistent weekly schedule and involve your children in planning where possible — choosing meals or activities together gives them a sense of control and security.
Acknowledge your mistakes. You can’t change the past, but you can take responsibility for your struggles, offer sincere apologies when needed, and make clear to your children that your behavior is never their fault.
Mental Health Treatment Is Available
Whether you’re the child of a bipolar parent or a parent struggling with bipolar disorder yourself, it’s not too late to get help. Restore Mental Health offers a variety of treatment options — including therapy and medication — to meet each person’s unique needs. Contact us today for more information on how to get the help you and your family need.
