As a parent, you want to do the best you can for your children. However, no one’s perfect, and parenting takes learning and effort. One of the biggest challenges a mother or father can face is parenting with mental illness. You want to do everything in your power to ensure your mental health condition doesn’t negatively impact your children. Keep reading to learn more about the complicated relationship between parents’ mental health and their children’s behavior.
How a Parent’s Mental Health Impacts Children
A parent’s mental health is critical to how a child grows up. It’s directly linked to children’s development and well-being. The emotional, behavioral and social habits a child learns are picked up from their parents.
However, parents are also human and often deal with their own problems, and parenting young children poses many challenges that can trigger new or preexisting mental health problems.
Parenting may be more difficult now due to the lack of community and the added pressures many parents face today. It’s such a significant problem that the Surgeon General addressed parents’ mental health. On August 28, 2024, Dr. Vivek Murthy released a warning notice on the mental health and well-being of parents, stating that parents are experiencing unprecedented and prolonged stress. Notably, the stress was significantly higher than that of non-parents.
Parenting With Mental Illness
Having a mental illness shouldn’t stop you from having children. It’s estimated that more than 1 in 5 American adults live with some kind of mental illness. You can be a parent with a mental health disorder and still raise a well-rounded child. You just have to be aware of what to work on.
Behaviors are passed down from parents to children. Some behaviors pass through genetics, but the environment plays a prominent role, too. Children learn most of their behaviors from experience, interaction and observation.
A parent with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder may have a child who’s genetically predisposed to hyperactive and impulsive behaviors. However, the child’s environment can significantly influence the intensity and manifestation of these behaviors. Providing the child with the right resources and using the right parenting style can help reduce hyperactivity and impulsivity.
Ultimately, the work falls to the parent. As someone with a mental health condition, you must seek proper treatment. If you get help and reduce the frequency of your symptoms, your child is less likely to witness and be influenced by them.
Recognizing Unhealthy Patterns in Your Child
You can assume your child may be genetically predisposed to the same mental health disorder you have. As someone who’s lived with your condition, you know what adverse side effects can present themselves.
Notice when your child displays the unhealthy behaviors you’ve struggled with in the past. When this happens, consider teaching them coping techniques and adjustments you’ve learned. If the behaviors continue, it might benefit your child to speak to a mental health professional.
Strategies for Breaking the Cycle
You only know how to parent the way you’ve been parented. But if the way you were brought up led to mental health and behavioral issues, you don’t want your kids to experience the same thing. This is called a generational cycle of bad parenting practices.
You can be the one to break the cycle. You’re already making steps toward that goal by educating yourself on parenting. You recognize the mistakes of your parents and avoid repeating them.
You can break the cycle of bad parenting by:
- Using positive reinforcement. Children don’t respond well to punishment. If you want to banish bad behaviors and have a healthy relationship with your child, reinforce their appropriate choices. Celebrate good behavior moments with praise, small treats and recognition. Avoid focusing too much on mistakes.
- Setting boundaries and structure. Children do best with boundaries and structure. When you remain consistent in what you ask of them, they can eventually learn to adhere to those expectations.
- Listening actively. Even as an adult, you probably long for people to really listen to what you’re saying. Always try to engage in active listening with your kids. You might discover the root cause of their bad behaviors.
- Talking to your therapist. A mental health professional can help you work through your childhood trauma. Understanding your parents’ mistakes can help you avoid repeating them with your children.
The Ultimate Parenting Hack: Leading by Example
Children do as you do, not as you say. You must model healthy coping skills if you want a child who can do the same.
The ultimate parenting hack is to be the type of person you want your child to be. They learn their behaviors and patterns from you, so you must always work on being your best version.
This also means prioritizing your mental health. You can only be a good parent when you take care of yourself mentally and physically. By taking the time to tend to your mental health, you show your children that this is an important self-care step they should develop, too.
A Child’s Perspective
As you become a parent and learn to guide your child through the world, it’s natural to think back to your childhood. You may reflect on how your parents raised you and how it’s shaped your life.
Now you understand the true impact a parent can have on their child. You’re who you are today partially due to your parents’ parenting style. The behaviors or tendencies you aren’t proud of may have been learned from what you saw modeled growing up.
If these feelings and thoughts are starting to cloud your mind, discuss them with a therapist. As long as your parents weren’t abusive, they were likely doing the best they could with the tools and resources they had.
Examining your childhood in therapy can help you:
- Understand your parents’ impact on you
- Learn to forgive them (when appropriate)
- Unlearn behaviors so you don’t repeat the cycle with your children
There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. However, someone who actively tries to better themselves in hopes of giving their child a better life is already doing a fantastic job. Unhealthy behaviors can be undone, but it starts with you working on yourself.
Restore Mental Health
Taking care of your mental health is one of the best gifts you can give your children. You’ll find relief from your mental health issues and be a better parent for it. Contact Restore Mental Health today to get in touch with one of our licensed, compassionate counselors.
