Healthy boundaries are important in personal relationships because they help you feel safe and respected. The limits you set are different for every relationship, but some people may try to push them to try to exert control. This type of manipulative behavior can be harmful. The term “manipulative personality disorder” is sometimes used to describe those who have a history of purposefully manipulative actions.
At Restore Mental Health, we treat many personality disorders. There isn’t a diagnosable condition called “manipulative personality disorder,” according to established clinical guidelines. Instead, clinicians often view it as a series of symptoms that may occur in certain personality disorders, including antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. We’ll discuss the symptoms often grouped under manipulative personality disorder, as well as their diagnosable counterparts.
Defining Manipulative Personality Disorder: Characteristics and Symptoms
If manipulative personality disorder were a diagnosable illness, its defining characteristic would be control-oriented behavior. Any behavior that attempts to remove another person’s agency or power in a relationship is manipulative, especially if it encroaches on healthy boundaries.
Signs of a manipulative personality include:
- Using and exploiting a person’s weakness for self-gain
- Convincing someone to cut out friends, family and other important people to build codependency
- Withholding information, lying or actively blaming a person without taking responsibility
- Vague accusations
- Passive-aggressive behavior with a lack of communication
- Judgment and ridicule, both private or in-person
As these behaviors can be difficult to notice in real time, it’s important to watch for subtle and overt patterns such as the ones listed below.
Gaslighting
At its most basic, gaslighting is an attempt to make a person question their reality. Over the course of a relationship, a person may lie about events that happened, twist the facts of what occurred or use another person’s words against them. If done consistently, this can cause anyone to second-guess their experiences and feel lost. As a result, the person exhibiting manipulative behavior gains power over someone else.
Love Bombing
One of the most classic types of manipulative behavior is love bombing. At the beginning of a relationship, someone will shower—or “bomb”—a person with attention, affection and expensive gifts. Often, this includes hasty discussions about meeting family and other serious relationship steps. The relationship will often feel intense at a very early stage.
Aggressive Humor
It’s common for friends and partners to tease each other lightheartedly. However, those who have manipulative personality traits may take it further, using aggressive humor and cruel jokes to hurt a person or make them feel inferior. Examples include jokes about weight gain, blemishes or social flubs.
These hostile comments can have major impacts on a person’s self-esteem and confidence, leading to reliance on another for feelings of validation.
Location Advantage
People using manipulation may try to take someone out of their comfort zone or bring them to a location they’re uncomfortable in. This creates a location advantage and is an attempt to put someone on uneven footing. It can be extremely disorienting to be in a location you’re not comfortable in, leading to feelings of fear, powerlessness and anxiety.
Understanding Manipulative Behavior in the Context of Personality Disorders
About 9% of American adults have a personality disorder. Experts recognize 10 different personality disorders, which are grouped into three clusters: A, B and C.
Manipulative and controlling behaviors are common features of Cluster B personality disorders, which tend to have dramatic or emotional features. There are four disorders within this cluster, which together affect about 5.5% of adults in western countries. Prevalence varies by the type of disorder:
- Borderline personality disorder (1.9%) involves difficulty regulating emotions and unstable personal relationships.
- Narcissistic personality disorder (1.2%) often leads to taking advantage of others for self-gain and difficulty caring about others’ needs.
- Antisocial personality disorder (3.1%) is associated with using deceptive or intimidating behaviors without guilt or remorse, similar to the behavior of high-functioning sociopaths.
- Histrionic personality disorder (0.8%) involves a strong need for attention and approval as well as behaviors that draw focus from others.
Our team at Restore Mental Health in South Florida can help diagnose and treat personality disorders affecting your or a loved one’s relationship and functioning.
Factors That May Contribute to Manipulative Personality Disorder
A pattern of manipulative behavior could stem from a range of factors, including family history and genetics. Individuals raised in environments where controlling behaviors are common may develop similar patterns of interaction with others. They may also become hypercritical and look to others to define their worth.
Manipulation may begin as a way of coping with stress in an unstable environment, but if this pattern continues into adulthood, it can impact relationships. Individuals with adverse childhood experiences may not feel safe communicating in a healthy manner with future partners, instead using manipulative behaviors to get what they want.
A family history of Cluster B personality disorders may also increase the likelihood of being born with one of these conditions, many of which feature manipulative behavior as a symptom.
Effects on Personal Life and Relationships
Manipulative personality traits can have diverse effects on social functioning, both positive and negative. Because manipulative behavior tends to put a person in a favorable position, they often succeed in business and other ventures. Coworkers, supervisors and clients may even see them as charismatic and successful. However, when someone’s in a position of power, there’s usually a victim, even if the victim doesn’t realize it.
Individuals who exhibit persistent manipulative behavior may have difficulties maintaining intimate relationships. Their behavior can strain trust and communication, sometimes leading to a relationship breakdown or separation. Here are some examples:
- Those with borderline personality disorder may have intense fears of abandonment. They may act impulsively or feel a need to change relationships without warning.
- Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder have a need to feel powerful and admired, but lack empathy. This can lead to relationship conflicts and connections without real intimacy.
- People with Cluster B personality disorders tend to see the world in black and white. If their partner forgets an anniversary, they may think they’re no longer committed to the relationship and may use manipulative behaviors to keep a partner from leaving.
Diagnosis, Treatment and Coping Strategies for Manipulative Personality Disorder
Some experts see manipulative personality disorder as a mental health condition, as symptoms often mirror those of other personality disorders. As well, clinicians can usually identify sources for the behavior. Until official diagnostic criteria exist, health care professionals may use Cluster B personality disorders as their chosen diagnoses.
At our Deerfield Beach center, treatment for manipulative personality behavior may include psychotherapy or medications, depending on whether there are underlying mental health issues.
- Psychotherapy. Generally, psychotherapies are the most effective treatment. We use behavioral therapies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy, to identify negative thought patterns. By targeting these thoughts, it’s possible to limit symptoms and improve overall well-being.
- Medication. In some cases, our doctors may prescribe medications to help manage certain symptoms. Mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications all have potential roles to play in the treatment of personality disorders.
Coping Strategies for Manipulative Behaviors
If you’re dealing with someone who shows manipulative personality traits, there are strategies that may help you to establish boundaries. When possible:
- Remove yourself from the situation whenever manipulative behaviors occur.
- Don’t feel pressure to do things you’re not comfortable with.
- Avoid responding emotionally when someone is trying to manipulate you. Point out the behavior and find a way to de-escalate the situation.
It can be challenging to manage signs of a manipulative personality on your own. A professional can help you to better understand the personality disorder so you can make informed decisions and learn options for healthier interactions.
Treating Manipulative Personality Disorder at Restore Mental Health
Support is available if you or a loved one is struggling with signs of a manipulative personality. Restore’s team of mental health professionals can diagnose a range of conditions and personalize effective treatment. If someone in your life is using manipulative behaviors, we also offer counseling to help restore your well-being. Reach out today for professional, compassionate guidance by contacting us at our Deerfield Beach treatment center.
