On the surface, Machine Gun Kelly may appear to have it all: talent, charm, looks, and fame. His life and story help to illustrate that you can have all these things and more, yet still have depression and mental health struggles.
Colson Baker, previously known as Machine Gun Kelly and now referred to as “MGK,” rose to stardom as a rapper with four mixtapes in the late 2000s. In 2012, his debut album peaked at number four on the Billboard charts, with the single “Wild Boy” receiving triple platinum certification. MGK then continued to pump out albums, each of which was met with critical praise and commercial success. With time, MGK steadily shifted away from hip-hop, instead experimenting with pop-punk and meeting similar success.
MGK didn’t stop at music. He has also had several large roles in films like Beyond the Lights, Bird Box, and a recent cameo in Jackpot. Meanwhile, in spite of these accolades and accomplishments, MGK began to have issues behind the scenes.
A Glimpse Into MGK’s Mental Health
One of the first times that MGK opened up about his mental health was on The Drew Barrymore Show in 2021.
“I see a lot of pictures of me and there’s smiles on them,” he told show host Drew Barrymore. He went on to confess, “I kind of am sick of smiling on days when I don’t feel like smiling. And I feel like this odd pressure because I don’t want my fans to think that I’m taking something for granted,” he said.
“So if I accept an award and I’m like super smiley, but behind the scenes, I was really, there was stuff going on, or I didn’t feel, I don’t know — like a lot of what I do is for other people and I haven’t given myself the time to just accept that it’s OK to not be OK.”
At the time, nobody but MGK’s closest friends and loved ones knew the true depth of the issues he was experiencing. But that would change.
Thoughts of Suicide and Sleeping with a Shotgun
A few years ago, MGK took fans behind the scenes of the recording of his two pop-punk albums with the documentary, Machine Gun Kelly’s Life in Pink. Though the film is largely about his creative process, it also offers a delicate look into MGK’s mental health. One of the most shocking incidents the documentary reveals is MGK contemplating suicide while on the phone with then-fiancée Megan Fox.
This took place shortly after Kelly’s father passed in July of 2020. Fox, meanwhile, was locked into filming a movie in Bulgaria and couldn’t be there for him physically. He described being unable to leave his room, saying he started “getting really, really, really dark.” He explains that he felt paranoid that someone was going to come and assault or even kill him. MGK even began sleeping with a shotgun next to his bed.
In his own words, MGK said that one day he “just […] snapped” and called Fox, accusing her of not being there for him. During that call, MGK attempted to take his own life with that shotgun. The gun jammed and MGK realized that he needed help.
Since Life in Pink offered a candid look into Machine Gun Kelly’s suicide attempt, he has continued to discuss his struggles with mental health. In an interview with GQ UK, he described having post-traumatic stress from his childhood. He mentioned losing many friends to suicide and says that Fox and his daughter, Casie, confronted him—providing both support and tough love.
The Role of Adderall and Other Substances
Though the documentary and that interview don’t go further into these issues, MGK has revealed other information in different interviews that provide a more complete image of where he was at mentally. As with many other artists like Machine Gun Kelly, drugs played a substantial role in his life and his struggles. In a 2020 interview, he revealed a dependency on drugs like Adderall.
“I went from orally taking it to then snorting it, and then it became something where I was scared to ever go into a studio if I didn’t have something.” He continues to say that he has since taken steps to overcome his dependency. “Currently, my drug of choice is happiness and commitment to the art, rather than commitment to a vice that I believed made the art. I’m taking steps,” he stated.
Megan Fox provided more insight into this healing process, describing the pair attending both couples and individual therapies. “It’s definitely a process, it’s not an easy one. Some of it’s really difficult,” she explained.
In 2024, MGK released the song “dont let me go.” The artist told fans that this song was “the result of a breakdown.” In the piece, he opens up about more of the events that impacted his mental health and his relationship with Fox. From the pressures of being an artist, the ups and downs of his relationships, the death of his father, and even a miscarriage, MGK reveals many events that can dramatically harm a person’s mental well-being.
Learning From MGK’s Experiences
Many people who have struggled with anxiety, depression, substance dependency, and suicidal thoughts probably relate to MGK’s experiences. While certain groups are certainly more at risk of mental health problems, these are things that can affect anyone at any time.
The important thing is that we can learn from those who have the same issues. Even if they stem from different problems or sources, the steps to improvement are often similar. For example, MGK began to see improvements from attending therapies.
It’s worth noting that despite our wishes, improvement doesn’t happen immediately. It’s hard and takes time. MGK even talked about how difficult it is for him.
“The tools that I’ve been given to start with seem helpful, I think,” he said. “I’m still kind of ripping my hair out. Why am I not changing overnight? How am I supposed to meditate for 10 minutes when I can’t even sit in my own brain for two minutes without distracting myself by doing something? That’s really hard.”
However, with time, you can see improvement. It may take medication or therapy or even a strong support structure. After all, even MGK mentions that the support from loved ones like his daughter was invaluable in helping him reach a better place.
We will likely continue to learn more about MGK’s life and mental health in his songs. And, hopefully, many of us find solace in knowing that anyone can go through these problems—and anyone can make it through them.
If you or someone you know experiences problems with depression or thoughts of suicide, you do not have to face it alone. Contact a Restore Mental Health professional online. We are available 24/7, so that you can get help when you need it.
