Growing Up With a Parent Who Has a Mental Illness

Growing up in a safe and stable home is important for a child’s development. When a parent is living with an untreated mental illness, that stability can be hard to come by. A child may experience confusion, sadness or anger because they don’t understand what’s happening, and the effects can follow them well into adulthood.

Each condition affects parenting in its own way. Below, we look at what it’s like to grow up with a parent who has schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), how adult children can cope and heal, and what parents can do to protect their children.

Growing Up With a Parent Who Has Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia affects around one in 300 people or about 24 million people globally. Unfortunately, the term is too often used casually, and the mass media has skewed the public’s understanding of what schizophrenia truly is. The stigma and misunderstanding surrounding people with schizophrenia can make it challenging for them to find and accept the help they desperately need.

Children who grew up with parents who had diagnosed or untreated schizophrenia have likely experienced several tell-tale signs of their unique upbringing. Unfortunately, many children of parents with schizophrenia experience life-long problems themselves. This is because parents with schizophrenia (especially those who are undiagnosed or untreated) experience significant problems providing stable homes for their children.

The Signs of Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia often starts slowly and progresses to more severe symptoms over time. Those with the disorder are usually diagnosed between 16 and 30, which means they may have already had one child or more by the time they’ve received a diagnosis. Although schizophrenia looks different for everyone, a few common signs someone has it might include:

• seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting or feeling things that aren’t there (hallucinations)
• having strong beliefs that aren’t true and may seem irrational to others (delusions)
• difficulty organizing their thoughts or speech
• abnormal body movements
• loss of motivation
• loss of interest or enjoyment in daily activities or hobbies
• social withdrawal
• difficulty showing emotions
• very low energy
• problems anticipating or feeling pleasure in everyday life
• difficulty following a conversation
• difficulty remembering important appointments or events
• trouble processing information required to make decisions
• continually losing focus

People with schizophrenia aren’t usually dangerous to other people, as the media often portrays them to be. But, in truth, people with schizophrenia are more likely to be a danger to themselves. Research shows about 5% of people with diagnosed schizophrenia die by suicide. The numbers for those with undiagnosed or untreated schizophrenia may be even higher, but those numbers are more challenging to track.

What Is It Like to Be the Child of a Parent With Schizophrenia?

The sons and daughters of mothers or fathers with schizophrenia often have questions about the mental disorder, as well as what schizophrenia is like when you are living with it. Often, they don’t even realize the way their parents are acting towards them (and the world around them) is due to a mental illness. It isn’t rare for those whose parents have schizophrenia to believe they’re the ones to blame, which causes low self-esteem that, in turn, can negatively affect most aspects of a child’s social and emotional well-being. Children of parents with schizophrenia are significantly more likely than their peers to:

• develop mood disorders like anxiety or depression
• struggle in school as a child, or with employment as an adult
• experience financial insecurity
• face substance use problems
• have problems making friends, both in childhood and adulthood
• lag in their academics

Studies show those whose mothers have schizophrenia have the worst outcomes and are the most likely to face problems in childhood and adulthood. This is due to the importance of the maternal bond early in early development and how schizophrenia can negatively affect that bond.

What Effects Does Schizophrenia Have on Parenting?

Having schizophrenia can make it challenging to provide a stable environment for children. Not only is this condition difficult to manage for the parent, but many of the disorder’s symptoms directly affect parent-child interactions. For example, people with schizophrenia often have difficulty showing emotions, which can make children feel unloved, albeit unintentionally. It’s also common for those with schizophrenia to experience hallucinations and delusions, which can cause their children to become confused or paranoid themselves.

Parents with schizophrenia will struggle to maintain a healthy relationship with their children, sometimes because of their paranoia or suspicion in interactions with other people. Although paranoia can extend to the children themselves, it’s most often of other people. People with schizophrenia are often socially isolated, making having a supportive community for themselves and their children challenging.

What Can a Parent Who Has Schizophrenia Do to Mitigate Potential Damage?

The most important thing a parent with schizophrenia can do to mitigate potential damage to their children is seek help. You don’t have to struggle alone, and you shouldn’t have to. Schizophrenia isn’t a condition you can treat on your own, and even coming to terms with the fact that you need help (or have the condition) can be challenging. Psychological care for someone with schizophrenia usually consists of a combination of talk therapy and medications.

You should also work to develop a support network for yourself and your children. Consider reaching out to close relatives, like your siblings or parents, to talk about what you’re going through. These people can also be there for your children to talk to. Many children of parents with schizophrenia have stated that having another supportive adult in their lives made them more resilient against the potential damage of being raised by a parent with schizophrenia.

Growing Up With a Parent Who Has Bipolar Disorder

How Bipolar Disorder Can Affect the Parental Role

Bipolar disorder is known to cause intense mood swings that impact how an individual thinks and acts. During manic highs, a parent may have a great deal of energy but make rash, impulsive decisions. These highs are typically followed by extreme lows where depressive symptoms take over, causing the parent to lose interest in everything and struggle to accomplish even simple daily tasks.

Without treatment, these unpredictable mood swings can become more frequent and severe, significantly impacting a family’s day-to-day life.

When untreated, these fluctuating moods create an unstable household, leaving children feeling constantly anxious and on edge.

Long-Term Effects of Growing Up With a Bipolar Parent

Growing up with a bipolar parent can lead to traumatic childhood experiences whose effects follow children well into adulthood. Research shows that children of bipolar parents are at increased risk of developing mood disorders, anxiety, and sleep disorders. A 2011 study found that 71.4% of offspring of parents with bipolar disorder had at least one psychiatric disorder diagnosed in their lifetime. Familial studies also show that children of bipolar parents have at least a 10% chance of developing the disorder themselves.

Beyond clinical diagnoses, the long-term effects on development can include:

• Motor quality
• Cognition, such as memory and attention
• Intellectual functioning
• Psychosocial development, including work, interpersonal relations, and global functioning
• Risky sexual behavior and increased substance use
• Aggressive behavior or suicidal ideation

The environmental factors of living with a bipolar parent also shape children’s psychology in specific patterns:
Self-Blame

Children may blame themselves for a parent’s mood swings, thinking their actions caused an episode. They may continue blaming themselves even after leaving the household, carrying excessive guilt into adulthood where they blame themselves for others’ behaviors.
Control Issues

Because life with a bipolar parent is often uncertain and chaotic, children seek stability through control — believing that if they “do everything right,” they can prevent the next episode. This thought pattern can manifest in adulthood as obsessive-compulsive disorder or controlling tendencies in relationships.
Trust Issues

The instability of a chaotic home can make it challenging for children to trust others — especially adults. These feelings of distrust can follow them into adulthood, affecting their ability to commit to jobs, friendships, and romantic relationships.
Depression and Anxiety

Coping with a parent’s unpredictability can cause persistent anxiety and sadness in children. Studies show that maternal neglect — common in mothers with bipolar disorder — can lead to an increased risk for anxiety and depression in children who already present high-risk factors for mood disorders.

How Parents With Bipolar Disorder Can Mitigate Damage

Having bipolar disorder doesn’t make someone a bad parent. Many people seek treatment and go on to provide stable, loving homes. If you’re a parent with bipolar disorder, here are the most impactful steps you can take:

Get help for yourself. This is the most essential step. Bipolar disorder is treatable through a combination of therapy and medication, but when left untreated, symptoms worsen and episodes become more frequent and prolonged. Professional help gives you the tools to achieve greater stability in your own life — and in turn, to provide a more stable home for your children.

Get help for your children. Ensure your children have their own support system, including a therapist who can help them process any trauma they’ve experienced. Given that children of bipolar parents have at least a 10% chance of developing the disorder themselves, having them evaluated by a mental health professional is also a proactive step worth taking.

Open a dialogue. Talk to your children honestly about your condition, even if they’re young. They need to know that your changing behavior has nothing to do with them, and what they should do if they notice you acting differently. Creating an environment of empathy and understanding is far healthier than trying to conceal what’s happening.

Provide stability and predictability. Children thrive on routine. With the help of a spouse or co-parent, establish a consistent weekly schedule and involve your children in planning where possible — choosing meals or activities together gives them a sense of control and security.

Acknowledge your mistakes. You can’t change the past, but you can take responsibility for your struggles, offer sincere apologies when needed, and make clear to your children that your behavior is never their fault.

Growing Up With a Parent Who Has Depression

Common Ways That Depression Can Affect the Parental Role

A depressed parent can affect their child’s development in many ways. For example, a mother with depression will use less emotion in communicating with their baby and make less eye contact, impacting the child’s emotional development. Other areas include:

• Academic development. A study of over a million children in Sweden concluded that children whose parents had depression did measurably worse at school than their peers.
• Decreased safety. Parents with depression may be forgetful of important things such as using a child seat in the car or getting their child immunized.
• Social exclusion. People with depression socialize less, and this can have a knock-on effect on their children. When a parent doesn’t want to leave the house, they are less likely to take their children to the park or on days out with friends and family.
• Children take on parental roles and tasks. When parents have mental health issues, they are less able to complete day-to-day tasks, and these get passed on to the children. Children may end up cooking meals for parents and looking after younger siblings as a parental substitute.

Long-Term Effects on Children of Having a Depressed Parent

The effects of growing up with a suicidal mother or a depressed father can continue into a child’s adult life. As mentioned earlier, children of depressed parents tend to perform less well academically than their peers, and this can affect their career prospects in adulthood. However, the problems go beyond that.

Children with a depressed parent are more likely to also develop depression, and this can also last into adulthood. Of course, this is at least in part because of the genetic factors involved in depression.

The child’s physical health can also be affected into adulthood. This can be for a variety of reasons; depressed parents may neglect their children’s nutrition, the homes may be dirtier and they may get less exercise. Performing chores when small may also put developing bones and muscles under pressure.

How Parents With Depression Can Mitigate Damage to Their Children

If you’re a parent living with depression, you need to realize the impact it may be having on your children. To begin, talk to your doctor. They will be able to diagnose your condition, recommend treatments and refer you to dedicated mental health professionals. This step may be difficult as people with depression often don’t wish to help themselves, but it is vital to the well-being of your family.

Next, find support for your family. Your illness may be causing isolation and causing you to withdraw from socializing, but these connections are vital for your family. A parent, sibling or friend may be able to help out when your depression is making parenting difficult and ease your burdens, in turn helping with your recovery.

Finally, talk to your children. Find a way to communicate to them that you aren’t well and you’re getting help. Most importantly, they need to know that your illness is not their fault and that they are loved and cared for.

Growing Up With a Parent Who Has Anxiety

How an Anxiety Disorder Can Affect the Parental Role

Growing up with an anxious parent can be extremely difficult on a child. As the most common class of mental disorders in the United States, anxiety affects nearly 1 in 5 adults, with women experiencing higher rates of diagnosis. If your mom has anxiety, this has likely affected you in many ways, depending on the type of anxiety disorder.

A parent living with generalized anxiety disorder might catastrophize every situation, causing their child to feel anxious about their every move. Examples include:

• Other people aren’t trustworthy, so you’re better off alone
• The world is dangerous
• Unpredictability should always be feared
• Don’t take risks because failure is worse than not trying at all
• Everything needs to be under your control so you don’t get hurt

Children with parents who have social anxiety may grow up lacking the crucial social skills needed to navigate the world. If a parent refuses to step outside their comfort zone to engage in social activities with their child or seems detached, their child may begin to feel neglected, leading to their own mental health issues.

Long-Term Effects on Children of Having a Parent With Anxiety Disorder

Early childhood is imperative to biological, mental and emotional development. Since parents play an essential role in the lives of their children and helping them build self-esteem, social control and a sense of belonging, a parent with mental health problems may act as a stressor for children.

One study found that children raised by parents with poor mental health experience greater distress throughout adulthood than children who weren’t. Parents struggling with poor mental health may engage in negative parenting behaviors, cause increased dysfunction within the home or neglect the needs of their child. The children who grow up in this environment may experience long-lasting insecurity, distress and symptoms of anxiety or depression that carry into adulthood.

How Parents With Anxiety Can Mitigate Damage

If you’re a parent with anxiety, you don’t have to panic about causing your child long-lasting emotional trauma. Being cognizant of your disorder and making an active attempt to not pass harmful thought patterns on to your child can make a world of difference. The best way for a parent with anxiety disorder to avoid passing down their thoughts and fears is to attend therapy.

Therapy or counseling can help you understand why you think or respond a certain way to anxiety-inducing situations. Once you have that figured out, you can work on changing these thoughts or actions to better your own mental health and create a supportive and healthy environment for your child.

Growing Up With a Parent Who Has PTSD

In fact, about 6 out of every 100 people will have PTSD at some point in their lives. Although the condition is often associated with active duty military personnel or veterans, this mental illness can affect anyone. Survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault and natural disasters all run a risk of developing PTSD.

The Effects of PTSD and How It Affects Parenting

The symptoms of PTSD make it hard to manage daily life, but some of them have a distinct effect on parenting. Examples include:

• Paranoia: Caused by flashbacks, nightmares and heightened senses, paranoia is common in those with PTSD. This paranoia can rub off on your children, making them more prone to anxiety, depression and mistrust of the world around them.
• Sleeping Challenges: When you can’t sleep because of nightmares or insomnia, you can’t function normally throughout the day. This can also make it difficult to care for your children and sometimes leads to neglect, even though you don’t mean to.
• Mood Changes: Significant mood changes are sometimes seen in people with PTSD, and you may find it challenging to regulate your emotions around others, including your children. This can lead to your children feeling unsafe or walking on eggshells when you’re around because they aren’t sure what mood to expect from you.
• Distant: Often, people with PTSD will seem distant because they’re still trapped in the moment of their trauma in many ways. It can be difficult to show children the physical or emotional love and attention they need when this happens. In turn, the children don’t feel as secure as they should because of damages to the parental bond — especially if the damaged bond is with their mother.

How Parenting With PTSD Can Affect the Child Short Term

In the short term, a child may feel like they’re to blame for any outbursts the parent has. This can cause anxiety and lowered self-esteem, along with feelings of sadness that can ultimately lead to acute or chronic depression. Often, children internalize their parents’ behaviors and will begin to live in a state of fear. This state of fear is because they don’t want to do anything that will trigger another outburst.

Children with a parent who has PTSD may take on a parental role and act “mature for their age” by finding ways to appease the emotionally distant or unstable parent. Additionally, children whose parents are made emotionally distant by their mental health problems can feel lonely, isolated and confused, which further negatively impacts their social and emotional well-being.

Long-Term Outcomes of Having a Parent With PTSD

The long-term outcomes are similar to the short-term ones in many ways. Feelings of sadness may lead to chronic depression, and taking on a parental role can make adult children feel like they missed out on their childhoods. Children may have difficulties making friends or maintaining healthy relationships as they age. These effects can increase the risk of suicide and tendencies toward self-harm. However, getting the help you or your children need can help negate these risks.

The Importance of Recognizing the Need for Treatment

Recognizing the need to treat PTSD and related symptoms is crucial because it can help minimize your condition’s effects on your children. PTSD treatment often involves a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, talk therapy and medication. When followed through with, treatment plans can help significantly decrease the effects PTSD has on your daily life. This can improve your quality of life and that of your children.

Coping as an Adult Child of a Parent With a Mental Illness

If you’re an adult who grew up with a parent who has a mental illness and are facing these challenges, here are some strategies that can help:

• Try to remove emotion from the equation. When your parent is experiencing symptoms or an episode, they may be unable to offer the approval or support you need. This isn’t their fault — it’s their condition. Remind yourself that your self-worth is not tied to their validation, and try to step back emotionally during episodes to protect your own mental health.
• Focus on facts and treatment. Rather than reacting emotionally, focus on the reality of their diagnosis — plans for treatment, how they’re managing their condition, and what steps might help. This can be a more productive foundation for navigating the relationship.
• Don’t force communication. If your parent reacts negatively when you try to check in on their treatment or well-being, don’t force the interaction. Deescalate and try again when they’re in a different state of mind — and don’t pressure yourself to continue conversations that cause you significant stress.
• Build your own support community. Cultivate relationships and activities outside the home — a sports team, book club, theater group, or any community that aligns with your interests. Having a support network that isn’t tied to your family is essential.
• Practice self-care. Be gentle with yourself. Spend time on hobbies, see friends, and talk to yourself with the same compassion you’d extend to someone you love.

Resolving Childhood Trauma

Trauma can stay in the body even after leaving an unhealthy environment. Moving forward is possible, though the path will look different for everyone. Some steps to consider:

• Seek therapy or counseling. Research suggests that children of bipolar parents are at higher risk of developing PTSD. A therapist can help you understand and cope with trauma symptoms and work through the long-term effects of your upbringing.
• Evaluate your current relationship with your parent. If they continue to cause you harm or stress, taking a step back from the relationship may be necessary — even if it brings feelings of guilt. Prioritizing your own mental health is not selfish.
• Join a support group. Connecting with others who’ve had similar experiences can introduce you to coping strategies and a sense of community that friends or partners who haven’t lived it may not be able to offer.

Mental Health Treatment Is Available

Whether you’re the child of a parent with a mental illness or a parent living with a mental health condition yourself, it’s not too late to get help. Restore Mental Health in Deerfield Beach offers a variety of treatment options — including therapy and medication — to meet each person’s unique needs. Call (877) 810-2074 or contact us today for more information on how to get the help you and your family need.