Although most of us have heard about the problems ADHD can cause children, fewer people are aware that the condition can persist into adulthood. According to recent studies, almost 7% of adults have symptomatic adult ADHD. In addition, around 70% of these experience issues with emotional dysregulation that include irritability and anger, which can significantly impact parenting.
These numbers suggest that there may be many parents with ADHD, especially since adults often go undiagnosed. In this article, we explore the effects a parent with ADHD may have on a child, what it means for the children of ADHD parents in the long term, and how to resolve these issues.
What Is ADHD?
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurological condition that affects a person’s ability to concentrate and focus. Those with ADHD may have a short attention span, fidget frequently, and often act without thinking. It can also cause emotional instability. The causes of ADHD remain unknown, but it has a strong genetic component — a child with ADHD will often have at least one parent with the same condition.
Some of the most common characteristics of ADHD include:
- Hyperactivity or an inability to sit still
- Difficulty starting or finishing tasks
- Lack of impulse control
- Interrupting conversations or acting without thinking
- Sleep difficulties
- Anxiety
- Low social and emotional intelligence
Common Ways ADHD Can Affect the Parental Role
It’s common for parents with ADHD to feel overwhelmed by the demands of parenting. Because they may struggle with poor organizational skills, keeping to their children’s schedules and managing behavior is a challenge, and the frustrations that come up can lead to anger issues.
Knowing someone is angry with you can be distressing on many levels. This effect is multiplied for children, who don’t have the life experience to process a parent’s emotions. But the problems for a parent with anger issues go beyond that: anger reduces decision-making ability and negatively affects the overall parent-child relationship. Children often sense a parent’s anger even when it isn’t directed at them, and this can cause lasting harm during formative years.
Another significant impact on children growing up with an ADHD parent is a lack of stability. When a parent frequently loses focus or struggles with financial wellness, the child may not know where they stand, leading to confusion and insecurity. This instability can also lead to parentification — children taking on tasks the parent has forgotten about or hasn’t made time for.
It’s worth noting that ADHD isn’t without its strengths in a parenting context. A parent excited about an activity is likely to be highly engaged and enthusiastic, and many children — particularly at preschool age — enjoy the high-energy presence an ADHD parent can bring.
Long-Term Effects of Growing Up With an ADHD Parent
The effects of growing up with an ADHD parent can last well into adult life. Unfortunately, many parents believe that as long as they don’t physically harm their child, there’s no problem. However, the long-term effects can include:
- Poor emotional adjustment
- Increased instances of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and feelings of isolation
- Higher rates of spousal abuse
- Poor educational outcomes
- Reduced career prospects
- Higher risk of poverty and homelessness
- Increased risk of substance abuse and addiction
Resolving Trauma Caused by an ADHD Parent
Many parents with ADHD are able to manage their condition and can be outstanding parents. But if you grew up with a parent whose ADHD went unmanaged, you may need to find ways of coping with the resulting trauma. Some helpful steps include:
- Take stock of your current relationship with your parent. If their ADHD symptoms — such as unreliability, anger, or irritability — are still causing you stress and anxiety, it may be time to step back and create some distance. This may bring feelings of guilt, but prioritizing your own mental health is necessary. It may also prompt your parent to reflect on their situation, potentially paving the way for a healthier relationship later on.
- Consider seeking a therapist. The trauma you experienced may have caused lasting mental scars, even if your parent never physically harmed you. A good therapist can help you work through this.
- Join a support group. Connecting with others who’ve had similar experiences can introduce you to coping strategies you hadn’t considered, and it’s often easier to open up to people who truly understand than to partners, friends, or family members who haven’t lived it.
- Encourage your parent to seek help. Supporting your parent in managing their ADHD may improve your relationship and help heal some of the trauma on both sides.
How a Parent With ADHD Can Mitigate Damage to Their Children
If you’re a parent with ADHD and you’re worried about its long-term impact on your kids, don’t despair. There are meaningful steps you can take to reduce harm and even strengthen your relationship with your children over time.
Get help. This is the most essential step. There’s no shame in admitting you need support, and treatment options for ADHD — including medication, therapy, and group counseling — are widely available. By reaching out, you also model healthy behavior for your children, which matters especially since ADHD often runs in families.
Talk to your children honestly. Even fairly young children can understand that a parent has an illness. Letting them know you’re working on it — and that you love and care for them — goes a long way. If you have an angry outburst or miss an important event, offer a sincere apology and make clear they weren’t at fault. When children understand what’s happening, they’re far less likely to blame themselves.
Build structure and routines. When organization is a challenge, consistent routines can compensate. Start small — committing to 10 minutes of tidying is more sustainable than blocking off hours. Use color-coded charts, timers, to-do lists, and phone reminders to stay on top of schedules. Since many people with ADHD struggle with object permanence, consider storage with clear fronts so the contents of drawers and cabinets are always visible. Consistent sleep and wake times can also make a significant difference in daily mood and stability.
Set and hold boundaries with your children. Give your children clear, consistent boundaries so they understand what behavior is and isn’t acceptable. Acting quickly and consistently — rather than waiting for a second or third incident — helps avoid the cycle of repeated miscommunications that can wear on both parent and child.
Practice self-care. Taking care of yourself reduces your daily stress load and gives you more energy to invest in parenting. People with ADHD are often highly creative — use that to your advantage when designing strategies that work for your family’s unique needs.
Restore Can Help Resolve ADHD-Related Issues
In past decades, ADHD was thought to be a childhood condition and help for adults was difficult to obtain. Times have changed, and adults with ADHD can now find support through medication, therapy, and group counseling.
At Restore, we offer a holistic approach to ADHD treatment, bringing together exercise routines, medication, therapy, and a full lifestyle review. If you believe your ADHD
