According to the World Health Organization, approximately 4% of the world’s population struggles with depression. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you or someone you love is showing signs. Fleeting moments of sadness are common, but if negative thoughts are sapping the joy from your life, it might be time to get help. This article offers information on how to help someone who’s depressed. You’ll learn to recognize the signs and explore multiple ways to support yourself while still taking care of others.
Recognizing the Signs of Depression
While depression is a very common mental illness, it looks different from one person to the next. To help someone, you must know how to recognize the symptoms. More importantly, you need to pay close attention when someone’s personality changes almost overnight.
The following are some of the most common symptoms of depression:
- Persistent feelings of sadness. Depression is more than just having a bad day. It’s a constant feeling of hopelessness that doesn’t go away.
- Lack of interest in hobbies. Someone who’s depressed often loses interest in hobbies and activities they once loved.
- Irritability. Depression often shows up as anger. Frequent angry outbursts, frustration and irritability, especially when uncharacteristic, are common signs of depression.
- Changes in sleep. The individual may have a hard time falling and staying asleep, or they may sleep more than normal.
- Changes in appetite. Depression may cause sudden weight loss or weight gain.
- Substance abuse. Individuals with depression often turn to drugs or alcohol to cope. Approximately 45% of individuals with depression also struggle with substance abuse.
- Unexplained aches and pains. Individuals with depression often complain about physical symptoms, such as headaches, back pain and digestive issues that don’t have a clear cause.
- Thoughts of death or self-harm. Any expression of self-harm should be taken seriously and as an emergency. Intervention is needed as soon as possible.
What to Say — and What Not to Say: How to Help Someone Who Is Depressed
Words are powerful. The right ones can encourage and open doors to treatment and healing. The wrong words, no matter how well-intended, can make someone feel defensive and increase feelings of isolation and fear. When you approach someone, it’s important to express empathy and validation and listen without being judgmental.
What to Say
- “I’m here for you.” This simple phrase can let someone know you’re available without asking for anything in return.
- “I’m concerned about you because I’ve noticed…” Use this statement to provide a specific example and let the person know their difficulties are seen.
- “It’s not your fault.” When someone is struggling with a mental illness, it helps to let them know it’s not a sign of weakness or a character flaw.
- “How can I help you?” Sometimes it helps to ask specifically what a person needs.
- Listen more than you talk. Often, the best thing you can do is listen.
What Not to Say
- “Cheer up.” This is one of the most invalidating things you can say. It implies that depression is a choice and the person isn’t trying hard enough to be happy.
- “It’s all in your head.” This statement insinuates the individual is creating their own unhappiness.
- “You have so much to be grateful for.” While this statement might be true, it’s never good to try to guilt someone into feeling happy.
- “Everyone gets sad sometimes.” Again, depression isn’t about occasional feelings of sadness.
- “I know how you feel.” Depression is different for everyone, and unless you’ve walked in the person’s shoes, you have no clue how they feel.
- Offering unsolicited advice. Avoid telling a person what they should be doing, such as exercise or positive thinking. While these things can help, small fixes aren’t helpful if the person doesn’t have the energy to get out of bed.
Practical Ways to Offer Support (Without Taking Over)
Depression is draining and can make it difficult for an individual to perform even simple tasks. There are multiple ways you can provide support without taking over their life:
- Offer to do specific tasks. Instead of telling the individual to let you know if they need help, offer to do a specific task.
- Encourage activities. Invite the person over to watch a movie and have dinner. Sometimes, just being present in small activities can be beneficial.
- Remind them of your presence. A simple text in the morning shows you care without demanding a long conversation. Let them know it’s OK if they don’t have the energy to respond.
- Celebrate small victories. Pay close attention to their efforts and celebrate them, no matter how small.
Encouraging Treatment Without Pushing Too Hard
Support is an extremely important part of any treatment program, but it’s often not enough on its own. A successful recovery usually involves therapy, medication or both.
- Choose the place and time. Invite the person for coffee, or take advantage of a private moment that isn’t rushed.
- Focus on treatment as a health issue . Mention treatment as you would help for any health condition.
- Use “I” statements. Express concern using “I” statements, such as “I’m worried about you.”
- Offer to help. Help the person find a doctor who’s close by, or offer to go with them on their first appointment.
- Be patient. The person may be resistant to help at first. Don’t argue. You can always bring up the issue again later.
- Know when to escalate. If your loved one expresses thoughts of suicide or self-harm, you may need to intervene. Don’t leave them alone. Instead, call or text 988 or 911 for immediate help.
Taking Care of Yourself While Helping Others
Helping someone who’s depressed can be emotionally draining. You need to take care of your own mental health before you can help others.
- Set health boundaries.
- Maintain your own routine.
- Seek personal support.
- Understand your limits.
- Educate yourself.
Resources for Caregivers and Loved Ones
Many organizations exist to help you and the person you love with depression.
- Suicide and crisis line. Call or text 988 for confidential support 24-7.
- Crisis text line. Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the United States.
- National Alliance on Mental Illness. NAMI offers support groups, educational programs and resources for those with depression and mental illness.
- Mental Health America. MHA provides information on mental health conditions and resources for getting help.
Explore Your Options
Additionally, Restore Mental Health offers programs that provide immediate assistance. For more information on what Restore has to offer and how to help someone who’s depressed, contact us to speak to one of our counselors.
