Quick Summary
- Going no-contact means cutting all communication with a toxic family member.
- 1 out of every 2 adults is estranged from a relative.
- Going no-contact can help you preserve your physical and mental health.
Cutting communication with toxic people is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. As a result, learning how to go no-contact with a family member is something of a trend. People all over the world are sharing how their lives have improved as a result of cutting contact with abusive, critical and overly negative people.
Before you go no-contact with a family member, take a few minutes for self-reflection. Cutting contact can give you peace of mind, but it’s not a decision to make lightly.
Understanding the Concept of Going No-Contact
In 2024, Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who focuses on family estrangement, and Will Johnson of Time Magazine reported that 1 in 2 adults is estranged from a close relative. These situations can result in someone eventually going no-contact with that family member, but what does going no-contact really mean?
Going no-contact is a way of cutting off all contact with another person, usually because that person is toxic or abusive in some way. People often go no-contact with parents, family members, ex-partners and friends. By cutting off communication, you prevent other people from having a negative impact on your life. For example, going no-contact with narcissistic parents protects you from their toxic, negative cycle of abuse.
Although you can go no-contact with anyone, it’s especially common for adults to pull away from toxic parents. Parents are meant to have a positive impact on their children. Unfortunately, some parents are abusive or overly critical. A parent may even have undiagnosed mental health issues, making it difficult to maintain productive family relationships.
If your parent has consistently caused you mental, physical or psychological pain, there may be no benefit to nurturing that relationship. Going no-contact can help you set realistic boundaries and give you an opportunity to seek emotional support elsewhere.
The Impact of Toxic Relationships on Mental Health
Toxic relationships can have a significant impact on your mental health. Potential effects of a toxic relationship include but aren’t limited to:
- Loss of independence
- Fear of telling the truth
- Low self-esteem
- Feelings of worthlessness
It’s also possible to experience physical changes, such as gastrointestinal problems, ulcers, dramatic weight loss and headaches.
This is especially harmful when the toxic relationship is with a family member, such as a parent, grandparent or sibling. Romantic relationships can end, but family relationships are forever. Even if you cut off contact, you’re still connected by your shared history and genetics.
Weighing the Pros and Cons of Going No-Contact With Parents and Others
Learning how to go no-contact with a family member isn’t easy. Many victims suffer for years before ceasing all communication with a parent or sibling. It’s even more difficult to go no-contact if your family member has been diagnosed with a mental health condition.
For example, cutting off a bipolar sibling may seem heartless. After all, they didn’t choose to have a mental illness. But after years of putting up with toxic behavior, you may have to cut contact for your own mental health. Before you jump on the no-contact trend, make sure you understand the potential pros and cons.
Pro: You’ll Escape the Abuse
Going no-contact puts a stop to abusive behavior. If someone has been toxic toward you for years, there’s a high chance they won’t (or don’t want to) change. Cutting contact is the only way to immediately and effectively end the abuse.
Con: It May Mean Less Access to Other Family Members
You should know that going no-contact may mean you see less of other family members. For example, you might not see your siblings if you cut off your parents. You may even be asked to avoid family gatherings.
This is a common side effect of going no-contact. Hopefully, other family members will be open to maintaining their relationships with you.
Pro: You’ll Probably Be Healthier and Happier
It may be hard at first, but in the long run, you’ll likely be healthier and happier after cutting a toxic family member out of your life. Being in a toxic relationship can have a serious negative effect on your physical and mental health. Cutting off this toxicity will allow you to thrive.
Con: Holidays Might Be Hard
Many people spend the holidays with their favorite family members. When you go no-contact with a close relative, the holidays may take on a darker meaning. For example, you might experience sadness when you realize you’re not close with the same people anymore.
One way to combat this problem is to create what’s known as a “chosen” family. This is a group of loved ones who enrich your life and offer support when you need it most. They may not share your DNA, but they can have a positive impact on your life.
Pro: You’re Prioritizing Yourself
When you go no-contact, you’re choosing to love yourself. Eliminating toxic behavior is a great way to prioritize your health and emotional safety.
Con: You’ll Question Your Choice
When you make a difficult decision, it’s common to wonder if you made the right call. Going no-contact is no different. However, it’s important to stay strong and remember why you cut off communication in the first place.
Potential Effects of Learning How to Go No-Contact With a Family Member
If you decide to cut off contact, the person may be so offended they never contact you again. This is one of the best possible outcomes. However, the person may also try to convince you that you’re wrong. They may contact you repeatedly or ask other family members to pass on their messages.
Remember to set boundaries. Once you tell the other person you’re going no-contact, block them on your phone, email and social media accounts. Ask mutual acquaintances not to pass along any messages.
Next, practice some self-care. You’re going through a tough time, and you’ll need a little grace to get through it. Book a massage, get outside or start journaling and meditating.
Seeking Professional Support and Coping Strategies
As you navigate this new stage of your life, you may need some help coping. Many people find it helpful to seek professional support. A therapist can help you understand the impact of toxic behavior, cope with the loss of the relationship and move forward.
Get Help at Restore Mental Health
If you’re looking to go no-contact but need some support making this decision, Restore Mental Health can help. Our compassionate, experienced staff will guide you through this change and help you feel empowered again. Contact us today to connect with a mental health professional.
Frequently Asked Questions
Going no-contact isn’t always easy, but it can help you avoid toxic behavior. Here are some answers to common questions about cutting contact with a family member.
- How Do I Know It’s Time to Go No-Contact With a Family Member?
It may be time to go no-contact if every interaction with the person is a stressful one. Do you feel anxious or unsafe around your family member? Is the other person abusive or overly critical? Cutting contact may help you improve your mental health. - How Can I Prepare to Go No-Contact With Someone?
A little planning can help make the transition easier. Before you go no-contact, write down your reasons for cutting communication. Tell a friend or trusted therapist what you’re planning to do.
It may also help to create an action plan for emotional triggers. If you expect to be excluded from holiday celebrations, for example, plan ahead by creating a list of alternative activities. - Is Going No-Contact Selfish?
No. Cutting contact with a toxic person is a type of self-care. You’re not obligated to tolerate harsh criticism, abusive language or other forms of toxicity. It’s normal and acceptable to prioritize your own well-being.
